Welcome to the month of May. In the Midwest we are working hard to rid ourselves of our final snow piles and welcome the first signs of spring. Less than two weeks ago we had over 20 inches of snow on the ground but this weekend my first tulips poked through. Sometimes it is hard to trust that they will return but they do! May is also the month that we will be talking about leaders building trust. Not just building trust but earning trust!
The late author Max De Pree stated “Earning trust is not easy, nor is it cheap, nor does it happen quickly. Earning trust is hard and demanding work.” And the author of The Trust Edge, David Horsager states that the starting point for leaders is to “resist the urge to think about others and whether or not they deserve to be trusted. Take responsibility for yourself … when you change yourself, you have the best chance of impacting your organization …”
Specifically Horsager tells leaders to focus their attention on the question, do people trust me? What am I doing so that they “believe in my ability, my consistency, my integrity, and my commitment to deliver.” When you are believed in you are trusted.
We will be sharing ideas and opening a dialogue with you on actions you can take to build, sustain and earn the trust of the people you lead. It is a never-ending process but as the leadership pioneer and scholar Warren Bennis says, “trust is the lubrication that makes it possible for organizations to work.”
Simon Sinek offers a simple, yet powerful, rule for leaders to be better listeners. Refrain from sharing your opinion until everyone else has spoken! It is his “Lesson Four” for successful leaders.
Your people are super-attuned to your words and behaviors and naturally search for cues to understand what your priorities are. This human tendency can get in the way when you want to hear their opinions, ideas, insights or concerns – to truly listen to them.
Inc. magazine recently shared three tips to help leaders “talk last” to ensure that their people talk first.
- Listen – and do absolutely nothing else! Don’t speak verbally or non-verbally. Do your best to eliminate gestures, head nodding, comments, affirmations, or concerns until all have shared and others have commented.
- Ask questions like an interviewer. When you do talk start by asking “unbiased” or clarification questions. Think of yourself as an outside interviewer who just wants to better understand what you have heard – with no stake in the game! Seek to discover the “why” behind their ideas and then the “how” before you add your perspective.
- Disagree and commit. If you have concerns about what you are hearing, continue to explore the reason behind their ideas until you completely understand the why – then share your ideas. If possible commit to trying their idea or search for potential alternatives that address all points of view.
I think you will be impressed by what you hear if your people have the space to speak – first!
Posted in build organizational talent, building teams, communication, Leadership, leadership development, self awareness
Tagged asking questions, blind spots, communication, Leadership, leadership development, listening, questions, self-awareness
Beginning this month we’ll be looking at the next set of Minnesota State leadership competencies. They are grouped under the category of Leader as Relationship Builder, and include:
- Values diversity
- Communicates effectively
- Builds trust
I occasionally work with project leaders or team managers who consider these activities as “fluff” that takes time away from the “real work.” For example, when I facilitate project team kick-off meetings we always spend a significant portion of the time getting to know each other, understanding communication preferences, and identifying the strengths each member brings to the table. This can feel less important than digging into timelines, deliverables, and action plans.
However, I’ve learned over and over that if good working relationships are in place everything else flows quicker and smoother. Over the next few months we’ll dive into the many ways that building relationships is a key component of leadership work.
Dee Anne Bonebright
Congruent, what’s that? Congruence is defined as behaving in a way in which your values and your actions match. Sounds simple, right?
Over the last decade or so, I’ve done quite a bit of coaching with leaders who are preparing to interview for various leadership roles. One of my best pieces of advice to them is to demonstrate congruence in their interview. That is, when they say they have particular values, strengths or abilities, they need to be able to give clear examples of those things and weave them throughout their interview.
Demonstrating congruence is important for leaders at all times, not just in an interview setting. When your actions match your values, it gives people confidence that you lead authentically and act with integrity. Still, demonstrating congruence is not easy. It’s one thing to have the self-awareness to know and communicate your values, but it’s another thing to ensure that your actions always follow your espoused values.
In her chapter on Congruence in the edited book, Leadership for a Better World, Tricia R. Shalka, says “Acting in congruence means you give time and energy to the things you say are important. If you say your family is most important but you choose to work 80 hour weeks and, via technology, are never truly with your family 100%, is that congruent with saying your family is most important? Probably not.”
So how can you ensure that your values and actions are congruent? Here are a few questions for you to ponder:
- What are my core values?
- How do my actions demonstrate my values?
- What actions have I taken recently that are clearly aligned with my values?
- What actions have I taken recently that are not aligned with my values?
- Do I need to change my actions to bring them in line with my espoused values? Or do I need to re-evaluate my values and communicate them honestly to myself and others?
- How can I demonstrate congruence with those I lead?
Last week I was struck with the congruence that Dr. Annette Parker demonstrated while sharing her story of her early career. She started working at a GM plant fresh from high school and only later began her education at a community college, quickly becoming a tutor and then an instructor. Dr. Parker continued her education and rose through her career to become a president of a community and technical college, and now leads collaborative workforce development efforts for the system. Her career has demonstrated the way she values both technical and continuing education for herself and others.
What examples of congruence have you seen in yourself or leaders around you?
To truly understand others, leaders need to listen – not talk! That may sound easy but in the day-to-day crush of work and deadlines and priorities it is a challenge. Yet the payoff is huge. In fact, one study discovered that the strongest predictor of trust is a leaders ability to listen with empathy and respond based on what they hear.
Harvard Business Review suggests that leaders focus on three crucial “behavioral sets” to improve their listening.
- Actively recognizing ALL verbal and nonverbal cues. People speak with much more than the words they use and listening is different than just reading a transcript of their statement. We all have “misheard” or “misread” an email. Empathic listening involves paying attention to things like tone, emphasis, energy, excitement, reticence, body movement, gestures, and facial expressions. Seeking to understand both what is being said and what isn’t being said demonstrates true listening.
- Processing the message or tactical listening. Sharpen your skills and use techniques or tools to help you follow along with the speaker, remember what is being said, keep track of key points, identify areas of agreement/disagreement, and capture the overall message. This can be as simple as taking notes, using summary statements and minimizing distractions. It also involves giving up control of the conversation and focusing all attention on the other person.
- Assuring others that genuine listening has occurred and that conversations will continue. Only the people on your team can accurately state if they feel listened to. Leaders need to use verbal and nonverbal actions to share the message that they are listening and want to continue listening. Ideas include verbal acknowledgements, clarifying questions, summary statements, check-in’s, paraphrasing and at times even restating a point being made. Your non-verbals are also being watched so eye contact, posture, facing each other, nodding along, and mirroring body language all reinforce your empathic listening.
Learning to listen builds trust and helps you say more with less talking.
The harsh reality for leaders is that understanding without action is not enough to make a difference. In fact, a more accurate title for our January leadership competency could be – Understands Self and Others – and does something with that understanding. Kind of cumbersome but more realistic.
Tom Rath and Barry Conchie in Strengths Based Leadership, identify four essential elements that people want from their leaders and when they get them they are more engaged and committed to their work.
- Trust: Credibility, respect, integrity and honesty
- Compassion: Caring, concern about whole person, genuine interest in whole person
- Stability: Predictability, consistency, fairness and security
- Hope: Direction, clarity, guidance and optimism for the future
Understanding these human needs for engagement is a starting point for identifying day-to-day actions you can take to demonstrate trust, compassion, stability and hope to your people. It will look different for each of us but taking action is what is important.
A great starting point is to think back to leaders who have most inspired you and ask yourself, what specifically did they do to demonstrate trust, compassion, stability and hope?
Please share your answers and we can build a toolkit of action ideas to share among us!
(Click on image to expand)
To truly understand someone you need to care about them, at least a little bit. As a proud introverted leader that sounds daunting. Yet a close look at the Gallup Q12 Engagement Index shows that a “manager caring about their people” is a clear determinant of employee engagement!
How can you get to know your people while still respecting and acknowledging the natural boundaries that exist between leaders and their teams? You are busy, your people are busy, and you are their boss. Leaders can’t become best friends or confidants, but genuine caring about employees as a whole person is crucial. For most leaders the problem isn’t the genuine caring but figuring out HOW to show their interest and caring in a work setting.
A recent article in Forbes highlights “Seven Ways a Leader Can Get to Know Their Team Better” with practical ideas.
- Help Your People Succeed Anywhere, Not Just in Their Current Role. Remind yourself and your people that success and development in their current role will help them in their future, regardless of where they choose to go.
- Schedule Regular Celebrations. This isn’t a new idea but in the chaotic world of work it is easily overlooked. Taking time together and talking about non-work topics builds stronger relationships.
- Manage By Walking Around. Get up and informally talk with your people. Share personal anecdotes and inquire about non-work activities, milestones, and experiences.
- Talk Naturally During Downtimes. Take advantage of the time before meetings, in the hallway, on the elevator, or while webinars are starting to chat about anything other than work.
- Ask About Displayed Photos, Trinkets, Mementos, Art Work, etc. This is my favorite! I started the post with a saying I have posted on my wall and I have many stories behind it. What your people display is important to them and asking about it will help you truly connect.
- Make Sure to Listen! All your hard work will be for naught if you don’t actually listen. Enough said.
- It Requires Variety. Genuineness and caring is not one size fits all. When you open up your interactions to the whole person you need to be flexible and adaptable.
Ask about that photo and see what you learn. I bet it will be interesting.
Posted in Engagement, Leadership, leadership development, leading authentically, trust, Uncategorized
Tagged asking questions, communication, engagement, Leadership, leadership development, listening, questions, trust