For many people, having to speak in public is worse than going to the dentist, touching a spider, or seeing a snake in the back yard – maybe even all three combined! When the person is not a native speaker of English it can be even more nerve-wracking.
I recently ran across an author that may be helpful to you or some of your team members. Deborah Grayson Riegel and her colleague Ellen Dowling wrote a book called Tips of the Tongue: The Nonnative English Speaker’s Guide to Mastering Public Speaking.
She posted a video on YouTube that summarizes three key points to keep in mind, whether or not English is your native language.
First, prepare thoroughly. This includes practicing what you plan to say. Out loud. More than once. I’m prone to fall into the trap Grayson Riegel warns about: spending all my time polishing the slide deck and none of it practicing what I’m going to say. As Anita mentioned in Monday’s post, that is an important part of preparation.
During the speech, Grayson Riegel recommends that nonnative speakers should not worry about having an accent, but they should slow down the speaking pace. Even native speakers of English have accents, reflecting which region they are from. Slowing down and articulating clearly, especially at the beginning, helps listeners understand each of our unique speech patterns.
Finally, she recommends pausing often during the presentation. It gives the listeners a chance to absorb and understand, and it gives speakers a chance to gather their thoughts.
These tips can help all of us be better public speakers, and they are especially helpful for nonnative English speakers. What other tips have worked for you?
Dee Anne Bonebright
Not all bridges look alike but they are crucial connections when we need to get from one place to another.
At its core, leadership communication is about building connections between people – who all have their own lived experience, point of view, culture and ideas. Communication gets more complicated when you want to connect genuinely with someone who sees the world differently than you do!
Authors Claire Raines and Lara Ewing in their book, The Art of Connecting, provide tips and ideas to help leaders communicate across all points of view. They describe five principles that help strengthen connection:
- There is always a bridge. Move from asking if you can connect to asking yourself what you will discover and use to connect. Remind yourself that with persistence there is always something to use as a bridge between two people.
- Curiosity is the key. Stay open to what you are hearing and experiencing when you are interacting with others. Remind yourself that everyone has something to teach.
- What you assume is what you get. Perception is reality when dealing with people.
- Each individual is a culture. Everyone is a complex and unique combination of factors. Don’t rely on one or two pieces to define anyone.
- No strings are attached. You can only control yourself. Your genuine curiosity and connection can’t be used as leverage to influence others. Authenticity is crucial.
If you look hard enough you will find a bridge to connect with anyone!
I wanted to start this post with the quote “I’m sorry this is so long. I didn’t have time to make it shorter.” Turns out that has been attributed to a lot of people, starting with Blaise Pascal in 1657 and including Benjamin Franklin in 1750.
That means that for at least 350 years people have known that it’s harder to write a short and concise letter or document than a long one. Twitter aside, that is still true.
Here are some tips from writing consultant Mary Cullen at 87 advanced tips for business writing:
- Purpose: Before you start, ask “who is my reader” and “what do I want them to know or do?” If you don’t have an answer, there’s no purpose for continuing.
- Plan: For a standard business document or email, spend about half of the time planning and half of the time writing.
- Everyday language. Avoid jargon. Never use a big word when a small word will do.
- Clear language. Use strong verbs (“We need to decide”… is better than “we need to make a decision”…) Any time a word is not truly needed, cut it.
Cullen says that online readers can only handle about 7 lines of text before readability goes down and they are more likely to skip it. Adding headers, lists, and white space can help – as in the paragraph above.
As leaders, we can feel too busy to edit. But taking the time to remove extra words and present a clear message can save time in the long run. People will actually read what we send and are more likely to get the point!
Dee Anne Bonebright
Simon Sinek offers a simple, yet powerful, rule for leaders to be better listeners. Refrain from sharing your opinion until everyone else has spoken! It is his “Lesson Four” for successful leaders.
Your people are super-attuned to your words and behaviors and naturally search for cues to understand what your priorities are. This human tendency can get in the way when you want to hear their opinions, ideas, insights or concerns – to truly listen to them.
Inc. magazine recently shared three tips to help leaders “talk last” to ensure that their people talk first.
- Listen – and do absolutely nothing else! Don’t speak verbally or non-verbally. Do your best to eliminate gestures, head nodding, comments, affirmations, or concerns until all have shared and others have commented.
- Ask questions like an interviewer. When you do talk start by asking “unbiased” or clarification questions. Think of yourself as an outside interviewer who just wants to better understand what you have heard – with no stake in the game! Seek to discover the “why” behind their ideas and then the “how” before you add your perspective.
- Disagree and commit. If you have concerns about what you are hearing, continue to explore the reason behind their ideas until you completely understand the why – then share your ideas. If possible commit to trying their idea or search for potential alternatives that address all points of view.
I think you will be impressed by what you hear if your people have the space to speak – first!
Posted in build organizational talent, building teams, communication, Leadership, leadership development, self awareness
Tagged asking questions, blind spots, communication, Leadership, leadership development, listening, questions, self-awareness
Beginning this month we’ll be looking at the next set of Minnesota State leadership competencies. They are grouped under the category of Leader as Relationship Builder, and include:
- Values diversity
- Communicates effectively
- Builds trust
I occasionally work with project leaders or team managers who consider these activities as “fluff” that takes time away from the “real work.” For example, when I facilitate project team kick-off meetings we always spend a significant portion of the time getting to know each other, understanding communication preferences, and identifying the strengths each member brings to the table. This can feel less important than digging into timelines, deliverables, and action plans.
However, I’ve learned over and over that if good working relationships are in place everything else flows quicker and smoother. Over the next few months we’ll dive into the many ways that building relationships is a key component of leadership work.
Dee Anne Bonebright
Unless you have a birthday coming up, these are not words you want to hear. Especially at work from your boss. They strike fear and sow mistrust, yet, as leaders, you have information that you cannot share with your people – you have secrets! How do you balance the transparency needed to demonstrate integrity with the confidentiality your position requires?
Karen Seketa, a blogger that I follow, suggested that we think of it as being translucent not completely transparent. Leaders are “not sharing ALL information ALL of the time” but taking “an intentional approach to empowering your employees with the information they need in order to be successful.” When I consult with leaders they get hung up on what they can’t share and they overlook all they can share. Even in the most chaotic and tumultuous times you can share how decisions are being made, how you will keep them informed, how they can be involved and how they can share their concerns with you. People need and want clarity, honesty and how they can be involved. You can share that, even when you can’t share every detail or name or potential option being considered.
Yes, you may have a secret but that doesn’t mean you are hiding things from your people.
Posted in building teams, communication, integrity, Leadership, leading authentically
Tagged Change, change management, communication, culture, engagement, integrity, Leadership, organizational culture, transformational change, trust
You have gathered input, asked questions, mulled options and finally reached a tough decision and then you hear “How did you reach that decision!” And it is an accusation not a question. In fact it actually feels like a challenge to your integrity as a leader. Luckily a close examination will usually reveal not a lack of integrity but a lack of transparency on the decision-making process you used.
Writer John Cutler highlights this point in his article “Decision Making Transparency.” People on your team want to know how you are making the decision and how they will be involved. It is crucial that you communicate this information with your team before, during and after decisions. Cutler recommends that you ask yourself the following:
- Who makes the actual decision?
- Who will be impacted by the decision?
- What criteria are being used to make the decision? Factors, budget, timing, scope, requirements, regulations, etc.?
- What are we attempting to maximize, minimize, improve, reduce, develop, or achieve?
- How will we involve others in the improvement of decision-making?
Answering these questions and sharing the information will help ensure that your decision-making actions are transparent and demonstrate integrity.
To truly understand others, leaders need to listen – not talk! That may sound easy but in the day-to-day crush of work and deadlines and priorities it is a challenge. Yet the payoff is huge. In fact, one study discovered that the strongest predictor of trust is a leaders ability to listen with empathy and respond based on what they hear.
Harvard Business Review suggests that leaders focus on three crucial “behavioral sets” to improve their listening.
- Actively recognizing ALL verbal and nonverbal cues. People speak with much more than the words they use and listening is different than just reading a transcript of their statement. We all have “misheard” or “misread” an email. Empathic listening involves paying attention to things like tone, emphasis, energy, excitement, reticence, body movement, gestures, and facial expressions. Seeking to understand both what is being said and what isn’t being said demonstrates true listening.
- Processing the message or tactical listening. Sharpen your skills and use techniques or tools to help you follow along with the speaker, remember what is being said, keep track of key points, identify areas of agreement/disagreement, and capture the overall message. This can be as simple as taking notes, using summary statements and minimizing distractions. It also involves giving up control of the conversation and focusing all attention on the other person.
- Assuring others that genuine listening has occurred and that conversations will continue. Only the people on your team can accurately state if they feel listened to. Leaders need to use verbal and nonverbal actions to share the message that they are listening and want to continue listening. Ideas include verbal acknowledgements, clarifying questions, summary statements, check-in’s, paraphrasing and at times even restating a point being made. Your non-verbals are also being watched so eye contact, posture, facing each other, nodding along, and mirroring body language all reinforce your empathic listening.
Learning to listen builds trust and helps you say more with less talking.
Have you noticed that sometimes people don’t perceive your messages the way you intended? As leaders, we know that people have different communication styles and preferences. It can be challenging to adapt our own styles and help people understand what we want to say.
A Google search for “communication style differences” yielded about 3,650,000 results. Clearly many people recognize the challenge! Most of the resources I saw dealt with verbal and non-verbal communication preferences across cultures.
One resource that I particularly liked was a Cross-Cultural Communication 101 course from the U.S. Department of State. While it was written to assist U.S. citizens who are traveling and working abroad, it could also be useful for those of us who work with a multicultural audience. Some of the communication factors they cover include:
- Different gestures, such as head nodding or finger pointing, mean different things across cultures.
- Time has different meaning across cultures. For example, what is the appropriate time to show up for a party that starts at 8:30?
- People from different cultures prefer different amounts of personal space.
- Conversation norms, such as appropriate tone and volume levels, also vary across cultures. Are the two people in the photo above angry with each other or excited?
That last one is a challenge for me. As I was growing up with a mostly-female peer group, it was acceptable to talk over each other and finish each other’s sentences. In fact, the more engaged we were the more likely that was to happen. As an adult, that behavior doesn’t always express support and engagement. Sometimes, as my daughter would say, it’s “just rude.”
Even when working with a group of people who all grew up in Minnesota I’ve seen different preferences for verbal and nonverbal communication styles. Paying attention to my audience and adjusting my behavior accordingly has been a helpful leadership strategy.
Dee Anne Bonebright
(Click on image to expand)
To truly understand someone you need to care about them, at least a little bit. As a proud introverted leader that sounds daunting. Yet a close look at the Gallup Q12 Engagement Index shows that a “manager caring about their people” is a clear determinant of employee engagement!
How can you get to know your people while still respecting and acknowledging the natural boundaries that exist between leaders and their teams? You are busy, your people are busy, and you are their boss. Leaders can’t become best friends or confidants, but genuine caring about employees as a whole person is crucial. For most leaders the problem isn’t the genuine caring but figuring out HOW to show their interest and caring in a work setting.
A recent article in Forbes highlights “Seven Ways a Leader Can Get to Know Their Team Better” with practical ideas.
- Help Your People Succeed Anywhere, Not Just in Their Current Role. Remind yourself and your people that success and development in their current role will help them in their future, regardless of where they choose to go.
- Schedule Regular Celebrations. This isn’t a new idea but in the chaotic world of work it is easily overlooked. Taking time together and talking about non-work topics builds stronger relationships.
- Manage By Walking Around. Get up and informally talk with your people. Share personal anecdotes and inquire about non-work activities, milestones, and experiences.
- Talk Naturally During Downtimes. Take advantage of the time before meetings, in the hallway, on the elevator, or while webinars are starting to chat about anything other than work.
- Ask About Displayed Photos, Trinkets, Mementos, Art Work, etc. This is my favorite! I started the post with a saying I have posted on my wall and I have many stories behind it. What your people display is important to them and asking about it will help you truly connect.
- Make Sure to Listen! All your hard work will be for naught if you don’t actually listen. Enough said.
- It Requires Variety. Genuineness and caring is not one size fits all. When you open up your interactions to the whole person you need to be flexible and adaptable.
Ask about that photo and see what you learn. I bet it will be interesting.
Posted in Engagement, Leadership, leadership development, leading authentically, trust, Uncategorized
Tagged asking questions, communication, engagement, Leadership, leadership development, listening, questions, trust