Simon Sinek offers a simple, yet powerful, rule for leaders to be better listeners. Refrain from sharing your opinion until everyone else has spoken! It is his “Lesson Four” for successful leaders.
Your people are super-attuned to your words and behaviors and naturally search for cues to understand what your priorities are. This human tendency can get in the way when you want to hear their opinions, ideas, insights or concerns – to truly listen to them.
Inc. magazine recently shared three tips to help leaders “talk last” to ensure that their people talk first.
- Listen – and do absolutely nothing else! Don’t speak verbally or non-verbally. Do your best to eliminate gestures, head nodding, comments, affirmations, or concerns until all have shared and others have commented.
- Ask questions like an interviewer. When you do talk start by asking “unbiased” or clarification questions. Think of yourself as an outside interviewer who just wants to better understand what you have heard – with no stake in the game! Seek to discover the “why” behind their ideas and then the “how” before you add your perspective.
- Disagree and commit. If you have concerns about what you are hearing, continue to explore the reason behind their ideas until you completely understand the why – then share your ideas. If possible commit to trying their idea or search for potential alternatives that address all points of view.
I think you will be impressed by what you hear if your people have the space to speak – first!
Posted in build organizational talent, building teams, communication, Leadership, leadership development, self awareness
Tagged asking questions, blind spots, communication, Leadership, leadership development, listening, questions, self-awareness
As an introvert I am not always comfortable making connections at work, even though people naturally listen to me and accept me. After all, as a white male I am a member of the dominant culture and I am automatically included. The same is not true for employees with a diverse background or from a non-dominant culture. They struggle to be included.
A recent article, Diversity and Authenticity, in the March-April 2018 Harvard Business Review highlights that “decades’ worth of studies have shown that similarity attracts – a phenomenon known as homophily.” The study focused on the reality that “disclosing elements of one’s personal life and forming social connections are easier within one’s own group than they are across a demographic boundary like racial background.” In other words, it is easier to hire a diverse team than it is to ensure that everyone feels included.
The authors suggest three strategies to break down the barriers to inclusion.
- Structure – Introduce structure and clarity to team events to facilitate shared and equal opportunities to talk to all team members. Define roles and reasons for activities and clarify the expectation of non-judgmental listening.
- Learning – Role model and facilitate a learning approach to dialogue rather than a statement-driven approach. Research indicates that genuine curiosity and open questions make it easier to share stories across differences and make an emotional connection.
- Mentorship – Utilize informal “buddies”, mentors and employee resource groups to facilitate relationship building for both new hires and employees from marginalized groups. These more experienced colleagues can help break down social barriers, provide background information, context and make introductions.
Leaders can build inclusion by helping team members make connections across their differences.
(Click on image to expand)
To truly understand someone you need to care about them, at least a little bit. As a proud introverted leader that sounds daunting. Yet a close look at the Gallup Q12 Engagement Index shows that a “manager caring about their people” is a clear determinant of employee engagement!
How can you get to know your people while still respecting and acknowledging the natural boundaries that exist between leaders and their teams? You are busy, your people are busy, and you are their boss. Leaders can’t become best friends or confidants, but genuine caring about employees as a whole person is crucial. For most leaders the problem isn’t the genuine caring but figuring out HOW to show their interest and caring in a work setting.
A recent article in Forbes highlights “Seven Ways a Leader Can Get to Know Their Team Better” with practical ideas.
- Help Your People Succeed Anywhere, Not Just in Their Current Role. Remind yourself and your people that success and development in their current role will help them in their future, regardless of where they choose to go.
- Schedule Regular Celebrations. This isn’t a new idea but in the chaotic world of work it is easily overlooked. Taking time together and talking about non-work topics builds stronger relationships.
- Manage By Walking Around. Get up and informally talk with your people. Share personal anecdotes and inquire about non-work activities, milestones, and experiences.
- Talk Naturally During Downtimes. Take advantage of the time before meetings, in the hallway, on the elevator, or while webinars are starting to chat about anything other than work.
- Ask About Displayed Photos, Trinkets, Mementos, Art Work, etc. This is my favorite! I started the post with a saying I have posted on my wall and I have many stories behind it. What your people display is important to them and asking about it will help you truly connect.
- Make Sure to Listen! All your hard work will be for naught if you don’t actually listen. Enough said.
- It Requires Variety. Genuineness and caring is not one size fits all. When you open up your interactions to the whole person you need to be flexible and adaptable.
Ask about that photo and see what you learn. I bet it will be interesting.
Posted in Engagement, Leadership, leadership development, leading authentically, trust, Uncategorized
Tagged asking questions, communication, engagement, Leadership, leadership development, listening, questions, trust
Best of HigherEDge, first published on April 29, 2013
Here’s another blog post on asking questions, just to sweeten the pot! In my mind, it’s a topic worth thinking about. The best leaders don’t have all the right answers, but they do ask the right questions. — Anita Rios
“I have learned that leadership is not about knowing all the answers. It’s about knowing what great questions to ask, and carefully listening to those answers.” – Patrick Thng, managing director, Development Bank of Singapore
As we end our month focusing on effective communication, it’s important to remember that one of our best tools in leading others and communicating effectively is in asking great questions.
In his book, “Leading with Questions,” Michael Marquardt describes how leaders are able to transform their organizations just by asking questions that empower others. It’s a fantastic resource that I would encourage all leaders to read.
Great questions cause people to focus and stretch, they create deep reflection. They can challenge assumptions or generate positive action. Here are some examples of great questions that Marquardt provides in his book:
- What do you think about…..?
- What possibilities come to mind?
- What do you think you will lose if you give up..[the point under discussion]?
- Can that be done in any other way?
- What other options can we think of?
- What is stopping us?
- Can you help me understand….?
It seems I was born asking the question “why?” so asking questions comes naturally to me. Still, I find that I must work continually to ask great questions that will help inspire, motivate, and empower others. What questions have you used that have been effective in leading others?
Best of HigherEDge, first published on December 13, 2013
If you’ve followed our blog for any period of time, you’ll note that I’m a fan of asking good questions. It’s an essential part of leading effectively. While I don’t always succeed in asking the right question at the right moment, I’m always working at that particular skill. The post below from my colleague Dee Anne Bonebright challenges leaders to ask thought-provoking questions that will generate productive dialogue. – Anita Rios
In my last post, I talked about the importance of asking good questions. This can seem obvious, but I’ve found it to be very difficult in practice. As leaders, it’s easy to believe that we are asking thought-provoking questions, while in reality others see them differently. How often have you heard people say “He asked for our opinion, but I know the decision was already made.”
Asking powerful questions is one of the most effective ways to involve stakeholders in decisions that affect them, and to increase buy-in to the decision once it’s made. As I’ve been learning more about the art of asking questions, a colleague shared an excellent resource created by the World Cafe and Pegasus Communications: The Art of Powerful Questions. I highly recommend the entire article. As a sample, here are some questions they recommend to help leaders frame questions that will generate productive dialogue:
- Is this question relevant to the team’s goals?
- Do I genuinely not know the answer?
- What do I want to happen as a result of the question?
- Is the question likely to generate new trains of thought or new directions?
- Is this question likely to generate creative action?
- Is it likely to generate more questions?
As I prepare to lead meetings, I’ve been challenging myself to be intentional about the questions I’ll ask. It really makes a difference in what I bring to the table and in the outcomes that are generated.
Einstein is supposed to have said that if he had only one hour to solve a life-threatening problem, he’d spend the first 55 minutes forming the right question, because then the problem could be solved in the remaining 5 minutes. How much time do you typically spend forming the right question?
–Dee Anne Bonebright
As Buddha said, we can use our minds to drive our behaviors. Developing a more strategic way of thinking leads to more strategic behaviors.
In fact, leadership development expert Melissa Karz highlights how having a “strategic mindset gives you a lens to think big in every moment.” In a recent article, she suggests practicing four specific habits to develop your own strategic mindset.
Align to Organizational Objectives. Asking yourself the following questions can help you stay aligned and take the actions necessary to help your team be aligned to the vision, values and goals of your organization.
- Where are we today and where do we want to be in 12 months?
- What skills am I missing, and is my team missing, to accomplish those goals?
- What relationships do I need to build or nurture?
- How are we defining success now, and in the future?
Identify Highest Value Activities. Strategic thinking means scanning all the demands, options, requests, and opportunities and identifying the ones that will best support short-term and long-term success. Prioritization means saying no or delegating. High value activities include:
- Coaching and developing your direct reports.
- Building relationships and networks to facilitate collaboration and a broader perspective.
- Creating a direct line of sight for your team so they can see how their work contributes to the big picture.
Seek Under-The-Radar Information. The reality is that leaders are shielded from much of the information they actually need. It is human nature to withhold bad news or to hesitate to “bother” leaders. To overcome this leaders need to actively seek out information and make it easier for people to share information, even bad news. Practice:
- Asking questions.
- Using mistakes as a learning opportunity.
- Reinforcing open and transparent communication.
- Taking time to meet with colleagues and peers.
- Meeting with people outside your own industry.
Schedule Time for Reflection. Developing a strategic mindset requires action and reflection. Scheduling time to analyze and assess what you have learned, what you want to continue doing, and what you want to do differently is strategic. Just like you schedule important meetings, dedicating scheduled time daily, weekly, quarterly and annually is a challenging but necessary habit to develop.
Over time these habits reinforce a strategic mindset which leads to more strategic behaviors further establishing strategic habits making strategic leadership a part of who you are.
Posted in build organizational talent, building teams, Developing Capacity, Leadership, Strategic leadership
Tagged asking questions, Leadership, leadership development, organizational culture, questions, self reflection, transparency, values, vision
My grandfather was a master painter and wallpaper hanger and I had the amazing fortune to work for him for over 20 years. One of the many lessons I learned from him was that you have to deliver the basics to get the opportunity to become a true master at your craft. The first years that I worked for him I spent much of my time painting the insides of closets or the priming coat of paint. Strategic leadership also has a foundation in delivering the basics before moving to the strategic.
Rosabeth Moss Canter, in a November Harvard Business Review article, highlights that successful strategic leaders are those that have mastered execution and implementation by following these four imperatives.
Question everything. Force yourself to challenge your assumptions and tackle “sacred cows” that exist in your organization or industry.
Inform everyone, then empower champions. Focus on both breadth of awareness and ideas and depth of committed support. Share information broadly and ask for all ideas to ensure that you are considering all options. Then take action to support your early and enthusiastic adopters to demonstrate early results.
Keep relationships tight and rules loose. Build a large network of people who are comfortable sharing good and bad news with you. Focus on creating a shared vision and trust and then giving people the freedom to take action and make decisions based on their expertise.
Modify quickly. Recognize and be willing to acknowledge bad news or challenges. Learn from what isn’t working and modify as soon as possible.
Developing a strategy and announcing it isn’t enough, you have to dive in and get the closet painted.